Social Tips for Rednecks (and just plain good advice)

25 06 2010

 

Social Tips for Rednecks (and just plain good advice)

In General…

 1. Never take a beer to an interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.

3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re certain that you’re included in the will, it’s rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out

1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to ‘bruise’ the fruit of the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

Entertaining in Your Home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one’s own truck keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.

3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman’s jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating ( Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive, Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago.” 

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

Theater Etiquette

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen.. Tests have proven that they can’t hear you.

Weddings

1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds in the reception line might get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.   





Gun Control: The Ultimate Human Rights Violation

25 06 2010

Gun Control: The Ultimate Human Rights Violation
by A.W.R. Hawkins
Human Events. com
June 3rd, 2010

Lucid students of the political sphere have certainly noticed that liberals are now using the phrase “human rights” even more than they once used their old standby, “civil liberties.” Of course they rarely define human rights, and even when they try, the definition varies depending on the goal of the person that’s using the phrase.

But this doesn’t stop them from having international conferences on human rights, dumping money into organizations like Human Rights Watch, and allowing surviving members of the Woodstock crowd to charge America’s military with violating human rights while simultaneously giving Iran a seat on the U.N.’s Women’s Rights Commission.

Perhaps the two clearest threads in all the human rights jargon are the focus on international law coupled with a potent strain of anti-Americanism. This is a combination that can be deadly when accurately aimed at national sovereignty or individual rights.

The most telling aspect of the left’s obsession with human rights is not so much what its proponents claim to defend but what they would be happy to sacrifice. And one thing all human rights activists are perpetually ready to jettison is the right Americans enjoy in keeping and bearing arms.

Ironically, this right, summarily stated in the 2nd Amendment, should be the lynchpin of any honest pursuit of human rights. Thomas Jefferson made this clear when he equated a government-backed prohibition against defending one’s self with a government-backed denial of “the most basic of nature’s rights.”

When one reads Jefferson’s statement in light of his many writings on nature’s laws and the benefits of private gun ownership, it’s clear he was implying that the denial of the right to self-defense with a firearm is essentially a denial of one of the core aspects of what it means to be human.

In other words, gun control actually steals part of our humanity.

How much worse of a human rights violation can exist than one that actually separates the “human” from the “rights”?

None of this is hard to understand if we just imagine a woman who lives alone, and is being stalked by a dangerous man. She goes to a gun store to buy a handgun with which to protect herself, but because she lives in Chicago, Mayor Daley will not allow her to purchase a gun.

Thus she goes home, and hopes the lock on her door will hold.

When he’s ready, the stalker becomes an intruder who breaks the door open, assaults the woman, and then leaves with a smile on his face. After reflecting on the matter he realizes the woman has no means with which to defend herself, so he goes back for more, and in time, as his callousness increases, he goes back more frequently. He knows the woman is helpless to stop him because she has been denied that “most basic of nature’s rights.”

In this scenario, how long would it be before the woman felt less and less like a woman and more and more like a dog?

How long would it be before she had a thorough understanding of what Jefferson meant when he coupled gun control with the denial of a core aspect of what it means to be human?

America remains a shining city on a hill in this dark world, partly because we still have the right to keep and bear arms for the defense of our lives and property. In light of Jefferson’s writings, I don’t think I go too far in saying that this one freedom goes a long way in keeping our humanity intact.

If you ever doubt the degree to which private gun ownership and the freedom to use those guns for self-defense upholds our humanness, just head on down to El Paso, Tex., where the murder rate is around 23 victims annually.

Then lock up your gun in the United States and cross the border into Juarez, Mexico, where the natural right to keep and bear arms has long been suppressed and where the murder rate, at 2,500 to 3,000 annually, is startling.

Once you get to Juarez, it won’t be long till you feel like the woman who sat in her apartment staring at the door, hoping the lock would hold up under pressure because it was the only line of defense she had against her assailant.

Gun control could just be the ultimate human rights violation.

And if we ever give up our guns in this great nation, we will ultimately give up our humanity.

HUMAN EVENTS columnist A.W.R. Hawkins holds a Ph.D. in U.S. Military History from Texas Tech University. He will be a Visiting Fellow at the Russell Kirk Center for Cultural Renewal during the summer of 2010.
Copyright © 2010 HUMAN EVENTS. All Rights Reserve
http://oneoldvet.com/?p=19921

The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed.” — Alexander Hamilton, The Federalist Papers

You know why there’s a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.” — Rush Limbaugh